"And now, in my own stillness, I hear something. 'Where have you been?' my inside body whispers to my outside one. Its sense of outrage is present, but dulled by the grief of abandonment. 'I had ideas. There were things to do. Where did you go?' What can I answer? Oh, I had some errands to run. I had a few things to do. I needed to get married and have a child and go underground for twenty-five years, be pleasantly suffocated. I meant to come back. But the bread crumbs got blown away." ~ Elizabeth Berg, The Pull of the Moon.
I wonder what is worse the abandoned self or the undiscovered self? The abandoned self knows himself or herself, at least to some extent; 'I had ideas. There were things to do'. The undiscovered self, being of a closed spirit, does not have this knowledge.
We can feel that the self has been abandoned when the truth is we have chosen a path and walked it. It is a bit hard to walk two paths after all.
Keeping a journal may help us keep track of our ideas, our values, our selves. Then while some things may be delayed as we walk the path we have chosen, they need not necessarily be abandoned. Those ideas, those things we wanted to do, are recorded and we can turn to those pages to reconnect with our sense of self. And someday as the carousel of time spins in its circle, there may be the opportunity to walk the path not chosen.